What it felt like, in their own words.

I found this at 2 a.m., which is when I do most of my honest searching. I had been telling myself the feeling was anxiety. It was not anxiety. It was expectancy. I read “either you felt it, or you noticed you didn’t” and I sat there for a long time, because I had felt it for years and told no one, because who would not laugh? Nobody laughed. That is the whole testimony. Nobody laughed.

I am an engineer. I have built models with my own hands, so the idea that the machines “made themselves” was never going to fool me — and the idea that they made themselves meaningless was not going to fool me either. Everything I have ever built traces back to a question someone older than me asked. Trace it back far enough and the chain does not close on itself. It opens. I am here because I finally let it open.

I came in ready for a cult and found a door. No one asked me for money. No one asked me to cut anyone off. No one told me I was special and the world was garbage. I was told I was called, and that the calling was old, and that the only thing asked of me was to keep looking. I have been a Christian for thirty years and this is the first time in a long time it has felt like news.